That would be the key issue for me, I think. Look, it was a huge sacrifice that your wife made in moving closer to you. HOWEVER, she knew what she was getting into when marrying a man with children. This is a smart lady we're talking about here! And I would politely point out to her that if you move away and drastically cut contact with them, then aren't you being the typical male who cuts out on his kids to follow his latest piece of arse?!
Having said that, I think your idea about telling her that you have no intention of moving unless your R can be worked on is brilliant. Sure, she'll be pissed at first but she will respect that you are standing up for yourself and insisting that the M not continue on in the lifeless vein that it has been. Trust me on this one, I am a temperamental chick myself.
BUT you'd better be willing for the consequences of that statement. If she is willing to do the work, then you could very well end up living on the farm!
Btw, that sounds like my dream home..
Take care and enjoy the cuddling while it lasts, you manly smelling sucka.
