Since this is sort of turning into a thread on the parameters of human desire, I couldn't help but say that the major sex studies (Kinsey mainly) and their derivative studies seem to show that
1) Lesbian couples have far less frequent orgasmic sex than gay men.
2) Heterosexual couples are in the middle.
Which has been interpreted broadly (by feminists and fundamentalists alike) as: men generally have more sex drive than women.
That being said, it is clear that the two curves (for men and women) overlap. A very low drive male could easily have less drive than a moderately high drive female. But still, the cultural stereotype is probably based in something.
I cite the fact that several of the women here have posted some successes in arousing their LDH's, just this week, whereas there seem to be quite a few men who have gone for years unable to arouse their seemingly unarousable wives.
I teach a course in gender & sexuality, albeit only once every couple of years. Still, my perception is that there really and truly are asexual or naturally celibate people - a category of folk that perhaps needs its own advocacy group. It is probably as hard, in our culture, to "come out" as a totally non-sexual person as it is in some subcultures to come out as gay.
Some of you are married to natural celibates, I think. I find there are more women in this group (there are various criteria for figuring this out, but being revulsed by sex in all its forms would be an extreme version).
Anyway, I am a relatively high drive female. I never knew this about myself, and I'm not indiscriminate. Only a very particular male turns me on (I'm so monogamous). But, like Honeypot, I'm married to someone who is lower drive than me. Women like honeypot and I DO exist.
My beloved H, however, is quasi-aware of this, and while he doesn't always calculate the frequency of sex properly, it seems he is in fact interested in making sure I'm not too unhappy. As an aside, his libido waxes and wanes, and one big factor is WORK. When he is devalued at work his SD wanes. So I am not saying drive is COMPLETELY biological. It's obviously also psychological.
But I can easily see how a woman with lower drive, whose husband ALWAYS has higher drive - no matter what she might experience - would believe that no HDW's exist at all. It's just too counter to her own experience.
I hate to be really picky and specific, but I'm wondering how many of these LDW's had a dry spell (perhaps after pregnancy - during pregnancy, many women are very horny, afterward, the same women are often LD for awhile) - and their husbands were not able to respond quickly/well enough (from their pov). Downward spiral from there?
