So, I'm sure our story isn't too different than most in this forum. My wife and I met about seven years ago and began dating almost immediately. The first three months or so were on fire with passion, lust, and incredible sex. I couldn't believe I could want a woman as badly as I did her.
We moved in together about two months into the relationship, and it was after the first month of living together that things began to change. Her interest in sex took a dive, which only heightened my longing for her. Isn't it one of nature's cruelest tricks, that the two are usually so inversely proportional? At any rate, our relationship declined over the course of the next five months or so, to the point that we decided to wait out our lease and call it quits thereafter.
But...
Things literally changed overnight. We still don't know to what to credit the change, but we found ourselves suddenly deeply in love, completely committed to what we found to be our best friend and companion. But, there was a dark side to the relationship, a stain that would continue to haunt us for the balance of going on six and a half years.
We married a year and a half into the relationship. In summary, our sex life was a constant struggle leading up to and beyond the wedding: she being hardly interested, me obsessing about the lack thereof.
It's a strange position to be in. We are very much in love with each other, and couldn't imagine being apart. We are the best of friends, and talk candidly about anything and everything, including our sexual dysfunction (up to a point). We spend every minute together that we can, because we want to. I can't imagine a better situation than being married to someone who is so much my soul mate. That is, except for sex.
So, we are caught in this pattern of friendship, which is wonderful, but completely awkward when it comes to our physical relationship. I've found that I have molded my sexual desires in so many different ways that I now can hardly think of my wife sexually, almost like a coping mechanism. In other words, the more I view our relationship as a friendship, the less I think of her sexually. Thus, I'm able to put it out of my mind while we're together.
As for my carnal desires, I simply shelve them. I like to think of myself as being in a position where I can't have sex, as if I've been hideously disfigured so that I can't be found attractive. By taking away the possibility of having sex, I think about it less, and am therefore tortured by it less.
I recognize how truly ridiculous the situation is. But, I love my marriage and will do anything to preserve it. If I have to perform a mental castration to accomplish that, then, unfortunately, so be it.
Whew!!! I've never put that into words. Sure feels good to get that off my chest!
