Try not to beat yourself up too much for feeling the gamut of emotions that are presenting themselves. It takes some time to figure out what they mean and how to work with them. Then it takes even more time to learn how to use them to your advantage.
All of this just takes time and lots of patience.
I'm glad to read that you've decided to put yourself into writing again. Everyone needs a passion... a reason to express themselves in a positive light. I grew up with a very artistic and musical mother, and always felt inadequate in those areas. It took a long time for me to accept that my right brained, left handed mom is different than I am. And we both love each other, regardless of the gifts we bring to our families.
I think you've got some amazing goals here to explore. I think they hold the key in you finding out who you really are and where you ultimately want to go. You know there will be detours, but half the fun in life is learning how to make the detours enjoyable.
I think you can do this... really. Take a deep breath and just plug on.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Betsey 