Alright so I have hit a low Last night did not go that well. Dinner was great, i kept it lite.. but he was distant Then we had to go birthay shopping for our ds.. lets just say i didnt 180 we are both very stubborn, and we could not decide on what to get him.. the things i wanted were more pricey... his less... we stayed in the store for 2 hours anyway we ended up just settling and getting him a few gifts that we know he will like. Then we came home.. i was pretty quiet.. sulking i suppose.. I asked H for a massage.. he gave me one and then we ML... fast forward to this morning. DS4 woke up really early and i got him set up watching cartoons and laid back down. Then ds wanted his father to get up this was about an hour later.. H got up and took him to MIL(she lives two houses away) and got his new toy that he bought yesterday. anyway H comes back because he is going to make the cake for DS party today.. while laying in bed with DS2 i'm thinking of all the ways i can 180 for the birthday party, as H and I always seem to fight at these things... As he walks by me, i put out my hand for him to take it.. he says "NO" in a sharp voice and walks by me... I immediately say "what was that for?" he says "nothing" and then goes about his buisness... I should have dropped it.. but i didnt.... I knew it was because he had to get up with ds.. and i didnt do it first.. this is a constant battle with us... he feels because i get to sleep in a little longer then him during the week.. and i mean a very little.. 15 to 20 minutes tops! then he should be able to sleep in on the weekends... eventually i blew up and said.. i'm getting the cot from your MIL and i'm moving into Ds's playroom "HELLO WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!" he didnt say anything and then because we dont fight in front of the children... i waited until they returned to the other room to resume playing.. again should have kept my mouth shut... i said.. So you would like me to get up every morning with the kids.. that is when he said that i get to sleep in.. Then I said so what else would you like me to do right now? he said do whatever you want, i'm having the kids help me make the cake.. so now i have locked myself in the bathroom... need to shower... trying to keep my mouth shut... this is going to sound strange.. but do any of you ever fear losing yourself in the process?? Should i become a robot?? I'm sure someone is going to set me straight, as I can already tell i'm not thinking straightly...

Let me correct myself.. and see if i'm right.

This morning i'm sure i had an idea that by not getting up it might possibly cause some tension. I should have gotten up with ds, and allowed H to sleep in.. if he wanted to get right up with ds and allow me to sleep in then he would have... i should not have forced the issue, by not getting up!
okay then instead of even putting my hand out to try to get validation from him and see if things were okay.. i should have still gotten up right then and started my day without saying anything.. he would have made the cake and it would have passed...

Since i didnt, I should have not asked him why he said NO, it was obviouse at that point why he had not... and I really really really should not have thrown out there that i would be getting the cot ... All i was looking for was.. no its okay hun, i dont want you to get the cot, this isnt a big deal, and I was overreacting to you not getting up... lol if only i could program him.....


oooooh should have could haves... they Stink!!!

If anyone is up and can offer some imput on how to recover the day without causing more damage... that would be great.. i'm going to hop in the shower... do my hair and makeup that will take about a half hour to 45 minutes.. then i will check back in.. Thanks and hugs...