Honey...

Wow.. everything you typed was right on with how I feel. I have used any way possible to get attention.. i used to use the sad stuff.. but eventually it wore off.. and he wouldnt even notice if i was crying.. so i would cry louder.. he would get more distant... Some nights i would sigh so loud and so many times, that by the time he finally asked me what was wrong with me.. i had truly forgotton... or maybe there really wasnt anything wrong to begin with.. i just wanted him to ask... anyway my point is that i feel like we have done the same things and its nice to not feel alone... I am working on moving forward without the guilt and although it creeps up in my head quite frequently, i am trying to keep myself busy and putting a smile on my face... Thank you for coming to my page.. i look forward to getting to hear more from you..

Betsey

I have not read the 5 LL, i looked at my local library and it is due back in at the end of the month.. I will get it though. I just returned DB and DR... those were great! I feel like a different person, and I am reading Becoming Real, which is pretty interesting.

Okay... UPDATE

After I have been doing really well, Db'ing my butt off.. Bob barkering it ect.... lots of ML going on that is for sure lol..

I have refrained from starting R talk, and he has been bringing it up himself. The other night he said to me. "I want you Kristy" and then he kissed me really nicely, this is after we ML. I backslid a little yesterday and called him a few times on his cell phone. He got upset because he hadnt answered the first time, and i still called back twice... when he finally answered I could tell by his voice that he was upset.. and he should have been.. he was at work, with a customer, and I continued to call... bad habit.. then on top of that, i hung up on him for being rude about it. can you say cookoo maker lol.. anyway I came home and did some breathing... played with my boys.. and settled myself down. I even made supper.. which I often avoid!! (i'm working on it) anyway when he got home it had blown over, and he was in an easy enough mood that he just stated "the reason i get upset when you call so many times is I like to leave my phone on so if you need to reach me. But if you continually call it, then i have to leave it off because its not professional." I nodded my head did my best to validate (knowing that he is completely right on this) and said "i'm sorry, that was inconsiderate of me" and I dropped it and so did he.. phew.. glad i made it through that lol. I busied myself with getting the boys bathed, and then he played on the puter while i watched tv. I checked my email quickly when he was done and then went to bed.. He asked me about my therapy session and i told him that we talked a lot about my attention needs and how to love myself ect.. he stared at me for a little while and then said "please love yourself.. i'm not invisable or indestrutable, i need you to be strong." he followed that with a kiss and well you know..

on to today... I met him for our sons speech appt and this was a fun thing for me to do today... and without thinking i just did it.. I put on a nice long skirt and shirt... and after he put ds in the car i walked around the car and whispered.... "i'm not wearing any panties" lol he smiled and said.. "nice" and patted me on the butt.. I dont know why I did it, but it got the positive results i wanted and i'm glad i did...

Here is the best thing that has happened... last night H says to me... "do you want something to look forward too or do you want a surprise" of course i'm never good at waiting so i said... something to look forward too. He got a sitter and is taking me out tomorrow night... I'm sooo happy.. we are going to go out to eat and then go birthday shopping for ds4

I have lost 34 pounds in 6 months.. and I cant wait to dress up for him. i'm def. on a high.. a little scared as to when i will hit a low.. but for now just trying to ride it out. I just cant believe how well this is working.

Hi Nitaf... I dont know your story, but i wanted to offer up some hugs.. thank you for stopping in here.. I look forward to more from you.

Thanks for listening all... keep me in your thoughts!!