Thanks for Jumping in... I respect all of your opinions.
I do want his attention, and your right as a child does I tend to get it whatever way I can. Being positive does not always make me feel safe... in some ways it makes me feel worse, not in control and vunerable.. kwim?
It's something i need to work on. I have tried all different kinds of ways to approach talking about our R... unfortunately because of that, i need to just leave it be for now. I truly need to let him come to me. If i can get this under control then I know I can save my marriage....Thanks again for your input..
Update
Last night went very well. I signed off the computer after here and put the kids to bed. Then I looked through my movies and found one that i had not watched. I dimmed the lights and put it on. I didnt call H to see when he would be home, or ask him what he was doing ect.. I sat and got into my movie.. about 20 minutes later he walked in. He was surprised i wasnt on the computer.. I could tell. I smiled when he came in, and then continued to watch the movie.. he asked about it and we talked about it for a bit. He asked me a little bit about my day,(that was nice) then he ate some supper and watched the movie. He asked me to take a shower with him when it was over. I did. I made sure to keep things lite. He got out to shave and I stayed in and enjoyed the hot shower. We went to bed after this and ML... he held my hand after and things stayed peaceful....
So if i read back on this night it was very successful... but some of me felt bitter why is this???? Why do I have to feel resentment?? will this feeling go away?? This morning I made sure to get up and get moving right away.. My boys were calmer and we are all dressed and ready for the day. H was surprised to see me up this morning, I didnt say a word to him instead i just went about my business and then told him to have a good day at work... I can do this I can do this I can do this...... I can not wait until it feels more natural to be this way..... Hugs
