Thank you Betsey, as I read more and more posts i am feeling more comfortable and safe here. H and I went to DS4 speech appointment today. He met me there. We didnt talk much but we shared some smiles and both admired our son together. He was behind me some on my way home, and i resisted the urge to call him to see if he was on the phone. I am doing my best to not call him at work, as i used to call him 3 to 4 times a day, and email him more then once... and then call to see if he recieved the email... UGH, its no wonder he is pushing... I have my therapy appointment tomorrow and we will see how that goes. I like having a place to journal, it feels really good. The house is a mess, so i am going to try to get that cleaned up, and then take the boys outside to play. Even though not talking about the R is hard, it feels nice to just be in the same room without an argument... Hoping my tongue stays tied tonight Thanks again.. you all are great inspirations! Hugs