Welcome! I'm glad to see your commitment here and your willingness to get busy working. It's good to see some of the posts from my fellow piecers.
We all know the tendency to obsess about our R. It really wears one out, so I think it's good for you to put some focus on yourself and your kids right now.
Try and see this from your H's perspective. He's hurt and unsure and not possessing the skills (at the moment) to help steer you guys back on a path of maritial happiness. Since you're here, you're in an ideal position to bounce things off here and get ideas on how to move forward.
There are lots of places we get stuck. One of them is focusing on the behaviors of the spouse. It isn't helpful and it implies assumptions are being made. Try instead to focus on what happens when you do something different.
Triple J hit the nail on the head with the goals. Goals have kept us on track, and help us stay focused on the overall goal. One question that I continually ask myself during this process is: Will this action bring me toward him or away from him?
Lots of patience is called for, friend. Be gentle with yourself. It's time to heal.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Betsey 