Ty PIB... it has been an obsessive thing for me as well...

ty both for replying.. TripleJ, you are absolutely right, it is snooping and it is wrong, and it shouldnt be a goal at all, it should just be the way it is. I have two children and the last thing i want to do is mess up this marriage by invading his privacy... and your right i never feel better after i do it..

We had a good evening last night. He fixed the brake pads on my car and took it out for a spin.. all is well with my little car again. He slept on the couch last night because our little ones were in bed with me due to colds I bit my tongue everytime i wanted to talk about our R. This is one of the hardest things for me. It sometimes feels like i'm going to explode when i hold it in... like if i dont bring up our R then something bad will happen. He doesnt want to talk about things, he has always hated how i bring our R up all the time.. This will be a big 180 for me not to do. We are going on vacation on Friday and will be gone the whole week with his inlaws at our camp. If there were ever a time to DB this will be a major one. In the past years we used to fight the whole time.. i was and am controlling of his time... and this of course pushes him away I'm going to go read my books.. read read read. I just want to focus on my children... but i find this hard to do when i'm always thinking about our R. Thank you for replying to me, i need help, and i appreciate anyones advice.