Smiles, I think that once your sex life is back on track, you will regain your Marital Confidence. Right now it is in the toilet because there is no intimacy in your marriage--that is, you can't truly be yourself around your H and neither can he.
NOPkins posted a message earlier today in which he described how, as his M gets back on track, he is starting to really feel sexy. Even though he has experienced a lot of SEX in his life, he is really feeling like a lover now because he is fulfilling ALL the roles of a lover..not just the technical aspects of it.
I can tell you that I feel that way now. I don't always feel sexy around my H, but the vast majority of the time I do. I have always felt attractive around other people but not necessarily in his eyes. As time goes on, though, I can even be rejected by him and still know and believe that he finds me attractive. In fact, this past Friday night I came home late from a wedding and he was already in bed. I snuggled up to him and he reflexively put his knee up so that there was no way, accidental or not, that I could reach his penis. It briefly pissed me off (geesh I am not an insensitive animal that he has to fend off!) but then I realized that he just didn't want to get turned on right then. Knowing that I actually HAVE that effect on him was a good feeling! (for the record, I had no intention of initiating)
I am now 6 mos pregnant and I still feel sexy in front of him. Not NAKED mind you, with full lights blaring, but pretty close. This is all due to the intimacy that we have established between us and, as NOP said, I feel pretty darn good most days, sex or not.
Hang in there and keep at it. Act as if and it will become a reality. I wasted SO MUCH time loathing myself and in the process turning him off. Something that made me feel better was to ask HIM for special things. I figured if I had to put myself on the line to turn him on, then turnaround was fair play. He never followed through on anything but I think it drove home to him just how hard it is to put yourself out there, sexually, and then to know that your chances of rejection are high just makes it impossible.
Another thing I would do is to wear the sexy nighties but to suggest that we first watched TV or something nonsexual like that. It took the pressure off me to have this great moment of an "entrance" when he is supposed to be drooling (which never happens with my H) and that way he can cop his shy little looks and appreciate me without both of us feeling under the gun to create this big scene.
This may or may not apply to you but just wanted to throw it out so that you are thinking creatively and can come up with ways that work for both of you.
