I am sorry you find yourself in exactly the same positon that I found myself in. My H went from being a non smoker all our married life (and before) to starting on cigars, pipes and now cigarettes.
Can you imagine what it was like having him smoking a cigar shortly after the bomb, telling me pompously "This is what I am prepared to do..." regarding what he had *decided* he would pay me as contributions... (Keep in mind his father was a cigar smoking Captain of Industry).
When we were in the lawyer's office last year to hammer out terms for our *Consensual Agreement* his bad smoker's breath reeked across the room...
When he stayed in this house earlier this year to look after D while I was away visiting my mother, he had OW 2 to stay over a couple of nights, against his express promise not to do so, and when I came back I found cigarette butts of all kinds in my rubbish bin.
D comes back from her visits with H reeking of smoke, as does her bag and her clothes and everythng that has been up there. I usually pop her into a bath as soon as she gets back.
And you know what KAW? I have got over it. Here's why -
1) I cannot stop him from smoking, so I have to accept it.
2) D's right to see her Dad overides my concerns about her health.
3) If my H had said to me during our marriage, "I want to start smoking", I know I would have accepted it rather than break the marriage up over an issue like that.
4) Smoking is only one of many many lifestyle choices that are damaging to health. And we ALL indulge in some or many of those.
Don't get me wrong, I HATE smoking, I have never even had a puff in my life, I think that smokers are socially irresposible in so many ways, I find smokers' breath horrible etc etc etc.
By NOT making an issue of it with CAW, you are respecting her SPACE, and that's what you really need to do now!
My H says he felt CONTROLLED in our *miserable* marriage, so I have not said a word to him about his smoking to date.
Hope this helps cast some light on your predicament!
Livnelearn
PS Glad at last to have something positive to add to your thread!
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
