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[Underdog]

(((((KAW)))))

Well, I'm going to start here and finish via e-mail some time today. Like you, my work life is insane right now.

I am still amazed every time I read this post. Your capacity for love in the face of excruciating pain and hurt is so incredible that I admire you immensely. This statement cannot begin to express the awe that I feel in how you handled yourself through these conversations with CAW.

I do want to say something, though. You mentioned expecting CAW to return to more aloof behavior and grudge holding and being surprised at the level of warmth she displayed. KAW, I think you ought to take FULL credit for that swing, because my thoughts are that you are the reason she didn't need to run away and hide inside her head and project that anger on to you.

I just want to put your picture next to the word CLASSY in the dictionary, because you deserve it.

I can only say, if I was joined by Sue and Mooka on your shoulders, I'm proud of that. Because it is YOU who have provided help and inspiration to all of us here for so long. Friend, you have so much to offer--as a human, a man, a friend, a husband, a father, a lover. And CAW is going to rue the day she let you go... one day.

And I suspect she is going to be sitting in a pool of algae and swine the day she does--along with the wives of Merrick, Hud, Wiley, Triple J, Berto and Seattle as well. These women have no idea how hard you men have worked at this. I find it awe inspiring.

If there is any silver lining for you right now, the fact that she agreed to share D11 with you is it. I'm glad she feels that you can do that.

I won't kid you, though. There are going to be times when just being nice to her is going to stretch you. I know you'll do it, but don't be too hard on yourself if you find yourself struggling with it. I consider myself a pretty considerate person, and I struggled for a few months. Of course I wasn't as DB enlightened as I am now, but hey, we're all human.

And nobody said we had to like this path.

I'm going to close with this thought: May 2005 be the year for KAW. The year where he puts his needs and desires first. The year where he sees his worth as a man. The year where fulfillment is achieved. And may there be the possibility of a love for you that you want and deserve.

Big hugs.

Betsey