I've been wanting to post to your recent information, but was waiting to be sure I had something useful to add. Hoping that I accomplish that. Your legions of supporters have said a great deal here, but sign me up for the home team.
Quote: Yes I have felt this way all along, but alas as my sister had just said to me this evening, "You can't make it your obligation to try to prevent that for her." ... She's right! So I have to let her go and if that is her fate, then so be it! Don't mean to sound callous, but I cannot prevent her fate from being so if that is the path she wish to blindly follow.
This is really wise, KAW. She has to make her own choices and, while I tend to agree with PIB's assessment of the situation, it's impossible to stand there and put up all the road signs, direct her driving and establish only healthy roads for her to travel down. And the fact is, trying to do it often creates resentment-- even when the intentions behind your efforts are solid gold. There is nothing callous about realizing what is absolutely out of your realm of control at all-- and what is within it.
I've taken a long time to really and truly integrate this lesson myself, so I share it with that sentiment.
As for your comment about the ultimate conflict avoider... well, sure you have anger bubbling up in there. I'd be a little concerned about whether you were in touch and honest with your emotions if you didn't feel some of that! But there is also realism, reality, practicality, whatever you wish to call it-- leaving without the conversation IS conflict avoidance. It just IS what it IS. And you know, identifying the reality of people's actions is important, IMO.
Kind of goes without saying that your path has taken you in some positive directions that will serve you well for a long time to come. But hey, I'm not above stating the obvious.
Your own growth is the silver lining... and discovering where you stand about second-rate not ever being acceptable for you is a very big and valuable lesson. You are deserving of first-rate all the way. Sometimes they do come back... and you really never know what will happen, but you do need to know where your own personal bar is set based on your own personal set of circumstances.
Take care of YOU right now... in all senses of what that means. And then there will be no real dark side to fall into.
