I am sorry about your sitch. Your W seems to be in a similar frame of mind as my W.
When I went to L last July, I also paid with Cheque. I did not want my W to know. I am sure that she went to a L as well. If you are not ready to let go your W, don't snoope. It can make you feel bad only. I have not read my W's cellphone for awhile now.
However, be prepare mentally that your W may leave. After she left she may decide to be back. The life with the om is not that rosy as she has imagined. Will you accept her back. She may be happy with the om and won't come back. Are you ready to live your life without her?
I have prepared these scenarios for myself to think about. But on the other side, may be the money is for something else? Are you comfortable to ask your W about it? I can't ofer you any solutions. Just consider different scenarios.
