If the last two weeks are fortelling of what the summer is gonna be like, then I'll be lookin forward to having a very busy time ... and unfortunately that is gonna leave very little time for a presense here on the board. Ironically, I'm starting this thread just prior to going on vacation for two weeks, but felt I need plant my feet firmly on the ground before doing so.
Upon returning here and faced with hundreds on unread posts, I was steered to this post by Slowly :
... to keep continuity to my saga, I'll post my reply here too ...
Quote: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Hey Maya - You know, we read the words, we write them, and still they are not real, are they? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well Slowly, now you did it! Your post above has pulled me out of lurkdom, for your words had finally made it real for me!! ... and I've lost count of how many times I had passed on the concept to various others here too. Thank you for the remarkable clarity you have "penned" to this topic and this post is truly worth benchmarking!!!
Quote: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Nevertheless, this is not the man I knew, not the man I chose to share my life, my joys and my sorrows with. I have spent the past 9 months trying to bring back that man, and so has NG. But he is no more. I need to mourn losing him, properly, and move on. My childhood sweetheart has grown up, into someone who in some ways is unrecognisable, and I need to accept this. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
... and this is what really hit home for me. I have come to accept a long time ago that what my M had become pre-bomb is dead and to start anew ... But right up to this moment, I was still hoping in the new R I would begin to see more of the CAW I knew twenty years ago. I've been trying to win back who she once was! Your post opened my eyes ... that's just not gonna happen and hence is the source of much of my recent frustrations and disappointments. That CAW is no more! ... and there is no hope of her coming back!! I have to accept that and move on...
Quote: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ If the man is gone, then so is the relationship. He and I may have 20 years' worth of memories to reminisce about, but our feelings about ourselves, about each other, are different, almost beyond recognition. If the people are different, then surely their feelings cannot be the same? The relationship needs to be built. I say built not re-built, because the old is gone. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This certainly shows me a new direction. To better know who the new CAW is and to accept CAW for who she is now! ... in order to build a better R. Boy sometimes I can be dense! There was even evidence last week that CAW is coming across this discovery too [to some extent]. I'm still end up suprising her by not fitting into what she perceives of me. She is still expecting the "old" KAW to reinstate himself.
Now to accept who she is now! ... Wow ... that's gonna be hard. She is so different. It's even a bit scary, for to be honest, the "new" CAW is much less appealing to me than the one I was so hoping to win back.
It seems I still have a lot of work to do on myself yet.
