Is it just a HDW thing?

[NOPkins]

annette said:
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I have not REALLY had a good talk with him about what I want. Maybe because I'm not really sure what it is I want from him at this point. He is being nicer to me than he was before. He does nice little things for me, which are nice. He used to talk to me like I was stupid at times. He has stopped that after 10 yrs of me telling him I don't appreciate it. In the past year when he had done that, I would stand up for myself and not allow it.
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I think that you should spend some time figuring out exactly what you want, then modify it to what you can live with, then discuss it with your husband. Make sure you present BOTH end points of your defined spectra( acceptable<---->best). That way maybe he can find some comfortable range of performance.

If for example, he finds it easier to have mechanical sex rather than passionate sex, but he has no problems increasing the amount of affection he shows you otherwise. Let him choose what point he meets your need, as long as it is within your definition.

That approach seems to work well for a lot of people. It removes some performance anxiety and allows for variation.

Find out why he finds the TV more interesting most of the time, than you. He may have a low drive, but I guarantee you that there is some underlying issue between the two of you that started the cycle that eventually changed your relationship.

Both of you will need to get committed to fixing your relationship in order for any permanent changes to take affect.

Has he read TSSM? He needs to discover his culpability in the relationship's decline and address it. You have to do the same.

Oh, and both of you will have to give up on who is most right or wrong. It will always be one-sided, depending on which side is looking :-)

Keep us posted!

-NOPkins-