Is it just a HDW thing?

[NOPkins]

wildebube said:
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Funny you should say that. My W doesn't MB. She believes that it's morally wrong. BUT, in spite of the miserable SL I've described here, in spite of the fact that she's been turning me down with such regularity over our 28 years of M, in spite of the fact that I've begged for sex (to no avail), SHE told the C that we don't have sex often enough!! I've bent over backwards to try to resolve every excuse she's come up with. I've begged, I've initiated - only to be turned down, I've cried, I've talked, I've complained, I've dragged us into counseling, not once, but twice, and SHE complains to the C about not enough sex!
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Michele talks about doing a 180 in TSSM. If what you are doing is not helping, then stop doing it.

I used to make my wife so comfortable and loved, she would drop off to sleep on the couch. I would go over to her, kiss her on the cheek, cover her with a blanket and go to bed alone - then lie awake for hours agonizing over her seemingly complete ignorance of my needs, and the fact that I spent the day pandering to her every need. I did that for at least a decade.

All the while I thought I was being Mr. Perfect, she still had issues with me.

One day I stopped doing it. No more blankets. If she went to sleep on the couch, she woke up cold. There was a perfectly warm bed with me in it, just waiting on her. Shortly after I had started to give up on our relationship, We both saw Michele on a news broadcast. I bought the book as a last ditch effort. I read it and handed it to my wife to read. That was the beginning of change in our relationship. You can read my threads to see how I went from anger to healing.

In my case, giving up on the relationship created distance and in effect, a 180. It wasn't a good way to go about it, but it got good attention. I recommend you read what Michele has to say on 180's and a more sound approach to same.

All the best,
-NOPkins-