Aw Mikey, I was going for the laugh from a depressed guy..what the heck is the matter with me. Sorry for that.
Listen, I think you are putting the cart before the horse here. The things you are asking from your wife (would you mb for me?) are things that require intimacy. As you know, intimacy is the very first thing to go when the sex starts to fizzle. All of a sudden you feel like you can't be yourself anymore because it is "too much" for the current relationship.
About the frequency thing..you know, that was one of the very first conversations we had. Hammering out a frequency that suits you both might seem like an awkward and 'businesslike' place to begin but that's just how it had to be. There was no way to establish the intimacy FIRST, it had to come from frequent sex. Then we could get to a place where we could start to act our true sexual selves around each other. As you know, it varies (depending on where H is at in his cycle, lol) on whether we are actually living that with each other.
But here is the good news: No matter how long his Weird Cycle lasts, as soon as we get back to ML again, we are rightthere. We never ever go back to square one. We may go days with no real sexual CONNECTION with each other, but once it is reestablished, it is magic and we're on a roll again. I never feel that I will not able to be my sexual self again, I just get frustrated with having to wait out his cycle. I don't know if this is hopeful or not. It might sound like a crappy way to live your life to you, I don't know.
I think there are so many positives in your situation..just being able to open this dialogue with her is HUGE. As time goes on, I would expect that you will get many more glimpses into her sexual self, and each one will be more accurate and telling than the last. I found with my H that he was really reluctant to "show" that part of himself to me so he would fudge the truth a bit and then later on tell me that whatever he said wasn't exactly the whole truth.
Good luck and keep the dialogue going, no matter how depressing it is to you right now! Learn to ask the important and timely questions (instead of kicking yourself after the fact, as I always do, LOL) such as, when she said that she sometimes mbates because you're not doing it with her, you could ask "What would you like for me to do in the future to make sure that I am available for your initiation?"
To let her know that: A. You are willing to change your behavior and this is not all about HER changing; and B. Yes she is expected to initiate if she wants sex and not expect you to read her mind and then give her the killer romantic move she's been fantasizing about.
