Quote: R talks are almost never a good idea, are they? They just tend to create distance, I think, and I never hear what it is I want to hear, I only reinforce ambivalence on his AND my part. H said last night that "he has been sure in the past that he wanted a divorce, but he didn't feel that way know. Then he said that he was afraid that he may never know what he wants."
For me and my sitch they just aren't -- least not in the "let's sit down and talk about this thing" -- what works for us is the dribble of sharing here and there -- it's amazing how hard it is to HEAR the stuff when it's interspersed with discussion of the laundry and work and all that -- but it's there.
Please don't ever worry about a "hijack" -- I've traveled a similar road, no? Maybe I can help point out the potholes and the landmarks?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I'm off from work today and trying to stay off the BB too but wanted to thank you all for the positive reinforcement! Had a great day today puttering around the house, went shopping for curtains (arrgh), to the library, etc. Heading into town to meet h for drinks later.
He's working his butt off on a paper (a BIG one!) for school. I'm trying to be a domestic goddess in the meantime
Karen, I'll visit you tomorrow AM when I'm back, ok?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Thanks for the visits. I did have a great day off yesterday and a nice night out with h.
I've been irked by the BB today (the technical problems) so I'm kind of staying away...I'm finding it so hard to navigate without the little lightbulbs to tell me if I've read a thread already or not!
Anyway...I've got a great weekend ahead...looking forward to some good weather, some relaxation, etc. I'm really loving not being in school!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I agree it's a bit of a pain, I thought they'd just done away with that handy feature of letting us into a thread where we left off and letting us see how many posts we haven't read.
About the R talks. I have to agree with you guys. Of late there have been no "lets sit down and assess the state of the union" talks. Just stuff as it comes up. Seems less overwhelming for CJ and there's less chance of me culling up all kinds of other baggage into the conversation.
One thing that I think, no, I KNOW I have to spell out for CJ is that I want him to ask me questions when I'm having a bad moment. When I tell him I'm down because I'm having "echoes", I'd love for him to hold me and ask what it's about. But his tack is to basically leave me alone.
Probably what HE would want in that circumstance. And also, I suppose, who wants to hear about the echoes of pain they caused one they love?
When my Husband is being distant, cold, cranky, whatever emotion...you fill in the blank...I just tell myself it has nothing to do with me personally...he just has an itchy butt!
but wanted to thank you all for the positive reinforcement! 
