Quote: You mentioned that he was supportive of you but never talked about himself...why do you think? A similar sitch was true for me and h ... it's an area of focus for me moving forward...
I think a big reason H rarely shared his life/feelings/thoughts with me is ME. I have normally had a lot of drama going on with my family of origin...drama that I would bring home with me and pass on to my H. He would listen patiently, offer advice (Martian!), or simply hug me and let me cry. Sometimes he would just look at me and say, "Let's get some ice cream!" or something along those lines.
I wouldn't normally ask him about HIM, about HIS life, HIS thoughts. I always thought that he was ok, that his life was ok, that he had it all.
On the flip side: this was (above) the message he sent (or I heard). He would actually tell me that he had everything...he would say, "I have a beautiful wife, a nice little house and a good job. What else do I need?" (this was before dd...later he would include dd). He would say that dd and I were his entire life. He would tell me that he was ok, for me not to worry about him, that I should focus on my parents, that he and I had the rest of our lives together, etc....
Looking back, I think there were times when he was trying to tell me something and I wasn't listening. He became bored at his old job and was having a hard time finding a new one (right before he got his current job...met ow...bomb, etc). He once said to me, "This is so depressing." I was shocked that he used that word (depressing) because up until then that word didn't exist in his vocabulary (H is/was positive, upbeat, happy, jokster). I think I shrugged off the whole thing by giving him a hug, telling him it was ok and that something would come up. A few times after that he approached me with a couple of business ventures that I quickly dismissed and basically thought he was crazy. I told him (before he even asked) that there was no way I would mortgage the house, put up $, etc.....just shot him down. One of the ideas was actually a pretty good one.
I tried supporting him on it post-bomb and he said I was just doing it to get him back.
So, I've hijacked your thread and written a book just to answer your question.
