The heart to conquer it...

[sage]

H2H, Deb, PIB, Pam! Thanks for the continued visits and support!

Had a very positive interaction with h yesterday...yet another example of how far we have come, and how far our M has come in 2 years...here's my cainercast from today, reiterating that point:

Who is running the show? Are you in charge? Or are you being bossed and bullied by a set of old memories and associations? The Moon is passing through your sign, causing you to feel sensitive and vulnerable. Mercury, meanwhile, is opposing Neptune. That is having a mixed influence. On the one hand, it is making you more imaginative and enabling you to envisage options that you previously couldn't see. On the other, it is causing you to see a lot of things which aren't really there. Maybe they existed once, but life has moved on and you need to do the same. Things are not as they once were. They are much, much better now.


What happened?

I had a terrible day at work...I'm running this very large program and have to work very closely with a guy who just drives me crazy -- actually, he drives most everyone crazy -- but they just keep working "around" him in lieu of addressing the issues and it's exhausting and demoralizing and well, just gets downright irritating. I've been complaining about it too much to h (tho' he's been awesome).

anyway, had this awful day...I want so much to find another job but frankly, this one pays $$$ and it would be very difficult for me to find another one at this time that would be equal. Add on top of it that h is in school full-time and then add on top of that that h has been showing significant interest in doing some changes around the house (costing $$$) and I was left feeling yesterday a whole mixture of things -- that I was under tremendous pressure AT work, under tremendous pressure to STAY at my job, under the pressure of financial worries ANYWAY and then at risk of really disappointing h that I'm just not sure how we can afford to do some of the stuff that he wants to do right now...AND it all reminds me VERY MUCH of 2 years ago (smack in the middle of h's EA) when we were in the midst of doing some renovations, I didn't feel as though h was listening to me that we DID NOT have the $$$ to complete what he wanted and I was feeling tremendous pressure at my job (in the midst of a number of layoffs).

Anyway ... h got home from school, hung out with me, told me some great stories about school, etc, and then we talked about what was bothering me. He was SO SUPPORTIVE and just downright awesome. He said "get over here so I can snuggle with you", told me "I am completely happy with you, our house, our lives", told me that we would pick and choose what we could afford and then reminded me that starting next month he'll be getting $ from the GI bill. All good stuff and without any hesistation or resentment or anything negative from h.

How is it possible that we have gotten this far?

Once again, I am filled with gratitude!

Sage