The heart to conquer it...

[sage]

Deb --

I'm very depressed today, just too much dumped on my plate. Major pity-party.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

My H will say and do things that give me hope and then turn around and slam me with something that makes me want to give up. Does he do this knowing my reaction? Now I'm beginning to wander. I have a nasty habit of assuming and trying to understand, but I know that this is not good.

well...you're right that ASSuming won't get you anyplace positive...can you try not to ASSume a motivation for his actions?

Weird that even after last night's bomb, I still don't want to pursue the D, why is that? Because my H has just done something that should send me running to my att to get a D, why am I NOT doing that? I can't figure my H out, but I can try to figure me out. I think my H is serious about the other woman and wants D in their lives, although I can't make my D take sides, I feel very hopeless, so why do I not go forward with this D?

Because you're not ready? Because it goes against how you feel? I'm sure you know best about the reasons behind your current stance...and I think whatever your reasons, they are AOK.

I just need some help here, am I wrong for not wanting to give up totally?

NO. NO. NO.

You are a smart, savvy, motivated person, Deb. You know your own mind and m. better than anyone else.

what makes our WAH that are having A decide to come back? I think my H went deep into the tunnel and may never come back!

I honestly don't know. I think it's a mixture of luck, some of their understanding and realization, combined with whatever work you do on yourself and your R.

I did take the cell phone that I'm paying for, from my D this morning, I told hermy battery on my phone was having to be charged so I was taking hers. But how I really feel is, that why do I have to pay for her communication with her father? She is 18, let her get her own phone. But that is bitter, what do I do?

Deb...let me ask you this...how do YOU lose if D and h have a positive R? How does it diminish your R with D? How does it impact your R with h?

My mother (parents divorced when I was 20) made a tug of war of my R with my father. She did the same for my other two sisters, too. I wish that she had been able to understand that I didn't love her any less by being able to love him too. Do you agree that the more love generated among people the more there is to go around for all of us?

Not trying to sound preachy (honest!). Just wondering if part of your sadness today is a result of you going against your loving heart.

Sage