Hard to believe I'm back at work after a LONG and wonderful weekend. Blech!

It was a busy weekend...with lots of fun, lots of relaxation and a few "moving forward" moments.

Friday night I got home from work and we decided to stay in, have lowkey food and watch the Sox. I felt totally cool with that but h seemed to be acting as though he wasn't sure I was ok with -- dunno how to express it other than I just felt like he wasn't sure I was ok with the lowkeyness and then I started feeling weird/irked that he wasn't believing me. WEIRD. and LAME (on my part). Finally I just said something joking about it but I'd like to come up with a way to navigate those sitchs sooner rather than later (the weird sitchs were it seems as though we're both worried about how the other person feels -- ok, not SO bad of a problem to have!)

Saturday we went for a LONG hike and then went in town to celebrate my bday belatedly. We went for tea and then drinks at the Ritz, then hung out in our hotel room and got take out pizza for dinner It was very fun and cozy.

Sunday, we had breakfast in the room and then went home. Again, my ASSumption but h seem to teeter between and -- like he was irked or something being around me. Maybe TOO much together time? He was also irked about the house -- it's so darned old that everything we try to do (like installing a screen door) is a major production! By the end of the night he was alternating loving comments with nitpicky irritatedness! I wanted to strangle him!

Monday we got up and went for another hike (note to self: hiking works great for us!) and then came home. We spent some of the afternoon cleaning up around the house (note to self: cleaning up around the house relieves tension!). At one point, the phone rang and when I picked it up the person on the other end hung up. Frankly, this seems to happen quite a bit at our house (caller ID was no help). I came back to the room, stewed a bit and said "would it be awful to wonder if there's something I should know about that hang up?" -- h was just great -- so much good stuff -- he was validating ("there's nothing you should know -- but I don't blame you at all for wondering") and loving ("I only want you and only you forever"). He was apologetic ("I cannot believe that I put you thru the wringer. I am so sorry for that") and so compassionate to me (I told him that I was worried he would think I was trying to put him thru the wringer and he said "no, no, no, a thousand times no. I know that you are not doing that."). He also told me to tell him whatever he could do to help me feel more secure. I mentioned (briefly) that I worred that there was something about me, about us, that may make him feel that he can't be himself around me -- that would make him hide friendships or pieces of himself. He said he didn't feel secretive (that's when he told me he'd do anything to make me feel better...) and that he felt comfortable sharing stuff about friendships, etc. The whole time this conversation was going on he was open and present and honest and completely there...it was really great.

I think I need to get my head out of my "looking backward butt" and move forward -- making my r. with h as wonderful as it can be.

Later yesterday we got another hangup only this time it was h that answered. Whatever!

Sage

Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.