The summary I was saying I couldn't wait for you to share...was the key points you are gathering from your thread! I know you were doing this for you...but if you decide to share, I'd love to read them!
Oh, DUH.
I wish I could remember which thread I stopped with 'cause there's a jillion to go thru!
Quote: In fact, I might do that for myself...just been reluctant to go through my old threads cause of the pain it might bring back.
Yah....it's been kind of an interesting experience...raised up a lot of emotions -- some very positive, some negative.
Lots of things struck me...how freaking confused and stressed I was, how much incredible support I got, how much great advice I received, and how much I was actually able to figure out and apply. Some of the "cycles" that I saw were quite disturbing but I think I had to go thru them in order to get where I am now.
I would love to read a summary from you, too!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Had an OK day at work yesterday...actually, I had a frustrating day at work but it reminded me that I need to get my act together and start seriously looking for another job come Fall. h was talking with me about it last night and he was SO supportive!
Met h after his class so we could go have drinks and food to celebrate his AMAZING success! I am so proud of how he has dedicated himself to this task at hand. What a smart guy I married! He seemed very appreciative of my response/support too.
I'm really looking forward to this weekend...I think we're going to get some hiking in (haven't been able to for the last few weeks) plus our night on the town, etc. I still have a paper to write for school (due 7/9) so I'm going to try to crank some of that out too.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: Had an OK day at work yesterday...actually, I had a frustrating day at work but it reminded me that I need to get my act together and start seriously looking for another job come Fall.
Have you ever thought about joining Michelle's team? being an East Coast connection? You would be marvelous!
Hard to believe I'm back at work after a LONG and wonderful weekend. Blech!
It was a busy weekend...with lots of fun, lots of relaxation and a few "moving forward" moments.
Friday night I got home from work and we decided to stay in, have lowkey food and watch the Sox. I felt totally cool with that but h seemed to be acting as though he wasn't sure I was ok with -- dunno how to express it other than I just felt like he wasn't sure I was ok with the lowkeyness and then I started feeling weird/irked that he wasn't believing me. WEIRD. and LAME (on my part). Finally I just said something joking about it but I'd like to come up with a way to navigate those sitchs sooner rather than later (the weird sitchs were it seems as though we're both worried about how the other person feels -- ok, not SO bad of a problem to have!)
Saturday we went for a LONG hike and then went in town to celebrate my bday belatedly. We went for tea and then drinks at the Ritz, then hung out in our hotel room and got take out pizza for dinner It was very fun and cozy.
Sunday, we had breakfast in the room and then went home. Again, my ASSumption but h seem to teeter between and -- like he was irked or something being around me. Maybe TOO much together time? He was also irked about the house -- it's so darned old that everything we try to do (like installing a screen door) is a major production! By the end of the night he was alternating loving comments with nitpicky irritatedness! I wanted to strangle him!
Monday we got up and went for another hike (note to self: hiking works great for us!) and then came home. We spent some of the afternoon cleaning up around the house (note to self: cleaning up around the house relieves tension!). At one point, the phone rang and when I picked it up the person on the other end hung up. Frankly, this seems to happen quite a bit at our house (caller ID was no help). I came back to the room, stewed a bit and said "would it be awful to wonder if there's something I should know about that hang up?" -- h was just great -- so much good stuff -- he was validating ("there's nothing you should know -- but I don't blame you at all for wondering") and loving ("I only want you and only you forever"). He was apologetic ("I cannot believe that I put you thru the wringer. I am so sorry for that") and so compassionate to me (I told him that I was worried he would think I was trying to put him thru the wringer and he said "no, no, no, a thousand times no. I know that you are not doing that."). He also told me to tell him whatever he could do to help me feel more secure. I mentioned (briefly) that I worred that there was something about me, about us, that may make him feel that he can't be himself around me -- that would make him hide friendships or pieces of himself. He said he didn't feel secretive (that's when he told me he'd do anything to make me feel better...) and that he felt comfortable sharing stuff about friendships, etc. The whole time this conversation was going on he was open and present and honest and completely there...it was really great.
I think I need to get my head out of my "looking backward butt" and move forward -- making my r. with h as wonderful as it can be.
Later yesterday we got another hangup only this time it was h that answered. Whatever!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: Frankly, this seems to happen quite a bit at our house (caller ID was no help). I came back to the room, stewed a bit and said "would it be awful to wonder if there's something I should know about that hang up?"
I stressed out a little bit when I read this. Not because I think YOU should worry about it, but because this happens at my house a lot as well...and because I was thinking that if H and i were to ever reconcile, I would probably still always have the doubt about pow...and because I wonder....after a spouse has had an A, does the former LBS always wonder if it will happen again.....blah, blah, blah...
YOUR H handled it in such a wonderful way though. He really WAS great...and to say and know that YOU're not putting him through the wringer...well....my friend that shows that you're married to a grown-up, a loving, caring, understanding, mature grown-up!
Especially since Husband's ex girlfriend used to do that. She'd call 2 or 3 times, I'd answer, she'd hang up. All within 5 minutes of each other.
I'd yell in frustration at the phone. Husband would pick up the next time it rang and it'd be her.
ARGH!
Based on that scenario, I'd suggest not worrying about the call/hang ups unless they start to be one right after the other within the space of 5 min. If it's only one, my guess is that it's a wrong number and the person was too rude to say so!
I have to say that doing Body For Life together makes me feel so much more connected to him. It's an intense hour together. And yet it feels like so much more!
I think it's wonderful that you two are hiking together. Are you hiking in the mountains? In my imagination, it's absolutely beautiful!
Quote: YOUR H handled it in such a wonderful way though. He really WAS great...and to say and know that YOU're not putting him through the wringer...well....my friend that shows that you're married to a grown-up, a loving, caring, understanding, mature grown-up!
Minnie -- Yes, h was wonderful from start to finish. The difference between how he reacts to me now and how he reacted to me pre-bomb is astonishing. He has truly worked so hard.
I partly feel as though I missed an opportunity to talk more deeply with him...I think I ASSume that h is the one who shelves or dismisses closer communication but I'm starting to think that I am the one who rushes through these moments (for fear of what? being hurt?). Another thing is that in the aftermath of the discussion h said something about working hard to make our M. better and I said something like "It's already good" because I didn't want him to think I was saying it WASN'T (in my fearful reaction) but again, I think I may have missed a chance to hear what areas he'd like to focus on...planning on taking that up with hm again.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: Based on that scenario, I'd suggest not worrying about the call/hang ups unless they start to be one right after the other within the space of 5 min. If it's only one, my guess is that it's a wrong number and the person was too rude to say so!
Yah....I'm not actively worrying about it...h did say that he got another one yesterday.
Quote: I think it's wonderful that you two are hiking together. Are you hiking in the mountains? In my imagination, it's absolutely beautiful!
it's more hilly/rocky than mountainey. It's a place owned by the towns near us, I think, kind of an oasis in the midst of towns/cities! it has a bunch of hiking and bike trails...you can do something pretty simple or something tough! We choose tough ('cause we are!)
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Had a good night last night. I left work at a reasonable hour and went to the library and to the grocery store. Bought h a couple of surprise food treats!
I got home and saw that h had done a ton of stuff around the house! Wow. I was very psyched.
Got home and did yoga for an hour for the first time in a LONG time. It was very good, relaxing and challenging at the same time!
I ate a simple dinner and wrote h one of my newsletters to tell him what I had been up to while he was in class. I haven't done that in a while so he was very psyched to see it when he got home.
I was watching tv and reading when h got home. He was energetic and awesome. We snuggled on the couch for a long time before we went to bed. He mentioned that he had made some calls to find someone to do some work/landscaping for us. this is such a big positive for us! I love the fact that h takes on so much of the house responsibility now.
This morning he got up to go to the gym with me. He headed off to work but called me once he got there. I love those early morning calls -- it really sets my day off on the right foot!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
but it reminded me that I need to get my act together and start seriously looking for another job come Fall. h was talking with me about it last night and he was SO supportive! 
and 
-- like he was irked or something being around me. Maybe TOO much together time? He was also irked about the house -- it's so darned old that everything we try to do (like installing a screen door) is a major production! By the end of the night he was alternating loving comments with nitpicky irritatedness! I wanted to strangle him! 