It seems to me that an immediate goal for you might be to get your H to see that HE is being selfish by hiding behind his illness. That's not to say that you won't be understanding when he's feeling sick, you have already shown that. But the LD spouse HAS to admit that their SD is at least part of the problem, IMO. Failure to do so simply enables them to use excuse after excuse, or in your case, one cover-all excuse.
Looking at it another way, Chron's hasn't stopped him from working. He had to make adjustments, but he found a way to work. And it didn't stop him from eating. Again, he determined what adjustments to make and made them. Then why should he accept sex once every 3 weeks as an OK change when it damages your R? He hasn't yet found the right adjustment to make to provide for his W!
Could it be that he's feeling inadequate or a failure because of the illness? You're giving him every reason not to feel that way sexually by expressing your desire for him. Pehaps he's taking a defeatist attitude in this area.
My suggestion is to stand up for yourself. As you said, 45 is too young to shrivel up and die sexually.
Mike - dead for 4 years and seriously shriveled up
) 
