Barney, I wrote a similar post when I joined this forum back in October.
Quote: I hope someone has some advice for me. How do ya'll deal with the sadness of the loss of a good sexual relationship? Last year I was almost overwhelmed by the SADNESS of it. I felt like I'd lost my best friend. I did try to discuss it with my husband but I'm not sure he understood where I was coming from. I know he has not chosen to be LD (he has Chrone's and takes medication that affects the sex drive) but I feel like I'm in this all by myself. I guess I feel like since the medication has taken away alot of his sex drive that he doesn't miss it like I do. What I find overwhelming is there is no cure for Chrone's and for him to have any type of quality of life (which I definitely want him to have) he will have to take this medication for life. I feel like such a cry baby about this...I at least am not in constant pain so sometimes I don't feel like I have the right to gripe. I just miss the physical closeness that we used to share. He is not very demostrative and I end of feeling like his roommate instead of his wife. When the sadness really hits me I don't know how to express it. Any help appreciated.
I was in pretty bad shape last year and have really struggled with the sadness this year also. I did go to the Dr. and he put me on Zoloft. I took it for about 3 weeks and stopped. I did not like the way it made me feel - like I really didn't give a rip about anything - sex included!
Like you I have found it hard to deal with the reality of what once was is not coming back like I want it to. I try to keep myself busy - I took up a new hobby - cake decorating - just need to quit eating the icing.
I have bounced back and forth between sadness and anger. My H and I had a discussion last week and he said that he knew that I was deep down angry because I scream all the time. I must admit I do quiet a bit of the loud volumn!!! He said that he wants me to be happy and yet he will gripe about me taking a gum paste (part of cake decorating) class in a city 2 hours away. Gripe about the money I am spending on it. I do work so - our home is paid for so I am hurting who? And how? It really burns me up when he does that. He insists that I BE happy and yet when I do something to occupy my thought and engery he grumps about how much I am spending. I like baking and decorating but, quiet frankly, I'd way rather make love with him than decorate anything!
I want to tell him what would make me happy is for our sex life to return to normal or at least anywhere near approaching norman.
I am working on the sadness. It is a day by day thing. Somedays I am ok and others I am not.
I am no where near as bad off as I was last year and the year before. I thought I would lose my mind then. I guess in some ways I am learning to accept the situation and go on.
I keep reminding myself that he is not doing this to hurt me or be spiteful. I also remind myself that he has a condition that he has no control over and would change it if he could.
That helps some but lets face it - I flat out miss the wonderful sex we used to have.
Keep your chin up. It will get better - and the sadness will dull. It is 3:00 AM so I am going to bed. I was decorating a cake but it is now complete and I am too tired to care that we are not having sex!
