I would have to guess that the reason the sadness is so harsh is that you have NOT accepted your situation.
Exactly!!! When you have accepted a situation, the sadness fades. I could not accept the state of my marriage, and as a result, I felt a lot of pain. For years I managed to avoid the pain with a lot of distractions, but in looking back, it was always there. I wonder if my husband got to a place of acceptance, or was it that he was better able to numb out his feelings...either way, he was not motivated for change. I am beginning to see that the pain I so desperately tried to avoid was actually a good thing, in that I finally had to deal with it and do something about it. By the time I was ready to confront my marriage and low desire, there was so much sadness that I was overwhelmed. Like HD, I decided to go on an antidepressant ( in my case, wellbutrin, which has no adverse sexual side effects and is sometimes a libido booster) which I believe did help me, whether the effect was psychological ( taking charge and doing something) or physical. I am happy about the positive changes in the marriage, but I am not at a place of acceptance, but I am not overwhelmed, and smile a lot more. Hairdog--- so nice to see that through it all you keep your sense of humor, and Barn, I noticed the same thing is true of you...never lose that! J
