Last night I just finished reading SSM for the second time. This time with a highlighter and a pen, highlighting the comments that make the most sense to me and jotting down my own thoughts and feelings in the margins. The very last chapter of the book, Michelle writes what is really the most applicable portion of the book for all of our situations. In a nutshell, she writes that the pitiful reality of all of this is that our spouses and our situations may not change no matter what we do our how hard we try. We must accept it and choose to either be miserable in the situation, leave, or find happiness in something else. I think that is what we all must do. For each of us here, I now believe that the reality is that our spouses will NOT change and we have absolutely no control over it. Just like Michelle says, THEY are in control of themselves and change will not occur until THEY decide the change is needed. And since each of our significant others are getting what they want out of the marriage, I see no changes for any of us.
That my friend is the sad reality of this. Each of us must choose which of the three options we can handle. I won't leave and I won't cheat. I've got a wonderful marriage in all respects except this one, and I guess to that extent it is my own fault that I place such an emphasis on the sexual aspect of my marriage. She can't help that I find it important any more than I can help her lack of emphasis.
From this point forward I am not going to work so much on trying to restore our intimacy to where it was. I am choosing to spend my energy on working to make myself happier. From this day forward, those things that I gave up in order to spend more time with my wife, I am going to pick back up. She can join me if she chooses, but I am going to make MYSELF happy with or without her. She is going to have to accept this just as I have to accept her.
We are all in the same boat together brother. I suggest we all put on our life jackets and get ready to swim for shore.
