InHerJourney, can you tell me more about how you negotiated with your husband? How long between bringing the problem up and getting to the negotiation? Was there a lot of anger and resentment? I'd guess that you probably spent some time trying to figure out WHY his SD was low, etc. Is there a reason that you know of? Or did you give up even trying to figure it out?
Hi SBH, It is really an amazing thing that at my peak of sexuality I have a husband with little desire. I have learned that trying to analyze it to death really doesn't get me too far. Is he angry, resentful, stubborn, scared, pressured....I could speculate all day and in the end, it makes no difference. For some time I have tried to find the right combination to unlock his pysche, much like in the movie Groundhog Day, but somehow I kept awakening to the same nightmare. Changing the focus to me and what my needs are, and being strong in asserting those needs, has helped the most. It has been a slow process; first he realized we have to somehow jump-start our sex life if we want the marriage to continue, and then he began to see that some of the things I wanted were not the rantings of a sexually obsessed lunatic, but rather were ways to bring us closer and to create more harmony. Date nite was a way for us to confront the sex issue on a regular basis...we both have a talent for avoidance, so this "forced" the issue. From there, we were able to branch out to spontaneous sex. You are already having fulfilling, spontaneous sex so you are in a much better place than we were. Right now I am taking things day to day and trying to not get too frustrated; sometimes I focus on the fact that there are Americans being beheaded overseas while I complain about my marriage, and that puts it in perspective. But, I do know that I am entitled to my own happiness, so you'll see a lot more b**ching from me here. J
