Hey Betsey... I don't take what you said as a slam at all.
In fact, I was posing the question as the devil's advocate myself... trying to see his point of view in case there is some legitimacy I'm missing here.
But you summed up my own feelings on the issue quite well.
I've been holding a lot of things up to the mirror lately to see whether I'm being reasonable, to poke the holes in my own cloth so to speak. My spiritual path also calls for open heartedness... I think I am learning how to reconcile the two things-- keeping my heart open and honoring my own personal boundaries.
You see, after being freaked out by H's demeanor (the one he's only used when he has tried to "come home" and is now using again while not saying anything of the sort), I went "back to basics" yesterday and did what used to work to create positive interactions for us.
I told him gently that I had been freaked out, that I knew I was only going to be reactive if I responded right away and so decided to hold off. I told him that in thinking about it I'd realized that I do not trust him to be my friend with OW in his life because he's time and time again shown me that when the choice is between treating me with respect, compassion, honesty, caring and chasing her approval, he chooses the latter and that the 2 things seem to usually be in conflict.
He asked to hear more. I am still deciding how much of this conversation to have.
So much for Wonder, International Girl of Mystery. But I think I've been needing to say this for a long time.
