I have my own views on your question posed about being friends with your H as he submerges himself into his R with OW. I guess I want to play devil's advocate because I really think this topic infringes on one's personal boundaries.
Of course I say this with the caveat that every person should do what they feel is best. And that this is my opinion only.
I think being "friends" in this instance IS a safety net. I mean, who's the one who is in danger of falling--him or you? Not you...
Personally, I find it a bit hard to swallow being forced to be friends under these circumstances. I struggle with this issue myself, so this isn't a slam sent your way. I know that my religious teachings tell me to be a friend to someone I love, especially when they have hurt me.
Well, that's fine and dandy. I can be civil, cordial and polite. I can work on solutions for issues that are present. But I will be damned if we divorce if I'm going to include him in my social life. I would never choose to keep inviting someone in who isn't a real friend back to me.
To me the fact that he (whoever HE represents) would ask me to do that is a little incomprehensible. A real friend gives us the opportunity to work things out... not walk away. And then give us the honor of choosing to be "friends" to the best ability we can muster? Who is he kidding? And why? To assauge his guilt? To convince him that I'm not as hurt as he might have thought? To show him by my actions that things are okay because I can do it?
I don't think so.
I can forgive for the past and understand how we got where we are. But I think more of myself than to give my friendship to someone who will not reciprocate in the same manner as the rest of my true friends. I deserve friends who feel I'm lovable and kind and generous--with my time, talents and my heart. IF our XH/XW couldn't find those things endearing before they left, how are they going to find it true afterward?
With friends like them, who needs enemies?
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
