Your post was right on... add to it a WA paying for the OW D (and who knows what else) and add another layer to the whole mess. So... the WA never gets the gumption, courage, wisdom to LISTEN to that guilt and make the changes? And other than DB, is our only hope to wait and hope that the WA figures it out?
KK,
Yes, i do think your H confessing to you allieviated his guilt and was therefore very selfish. Especially if you did not know. Just one more thing to forgive HIM for. But, you may have been a valuable tool in his healing, even though it lead to more angst for you... a double edged sword. But then some couples don't want ANY secrets, and if your H did not confide in you, he would carry that with him always, and the OW would always have that power over him, that she knew something that you did not know.
My understanding of the self-forgiveness issue is that God offered up his only son in exchange for your sins. That he forgives you. And if He can forgive you, for you not to forgive yourself is selfish and only leads to self-pity... not good.
If the Lord can/does forgive you, who are you to withhold forgiveness from yourself and others? And I don't know that I agree that he does not forgive you if you do not forgive others, but I could be wrong about that. I believe that the Lord loves us and does not apply conditions to His forgiveness.
I hope you are doing okay. I miss our chats.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
