I don't really have much time to post, but I found the last three pages of this thread fascinating.
GD, your long post about Passive Aggression rang so true for me, you could have been describing my H and M.
Some things I said or KNEW well before the bomb dropped -
1) H's sins were mostly of OMISSION not commision. I used to see this as 'not so bad', but the results are the same!
I obviously seem to go for this kind of man, as the other big love of my life was also PA, and had major childhood issues to deal with.
2) I felt, and even voiced to a couple of people close to me, my concern that were anything serious to happen to me, like finding myself in a wheelchair for life, my H would NOT stick around for me. This didn't propel me out of the marriage, just got me praying (and I, an atheist!) that nothing major happen to me.
3) Our sex life, which sort of mirrored the rest of our relationship, was mainly about his pleasure, and giving me what he thought I should like, or what worked with other women before me. When I tried to let him know what *I* liked, he was not interested or thought it too much work. Yes, he said that once!
I think that much of what I got out of our R was satisfaction that I provided HIM with security, love, affection etc. Not so much that I was getting it back in equal measure. There IS pleasure in giving, but even the best of us appreciate some receiving!
And stange, I was/am a pretty independent person, so how we came to this, I do not know.
If you were to ask my H about all this, he would not understand this at all, he would say, "I worked for this family and brought home the bacon" and that would be it.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
