Friends, Squatters and Lurkers--Life in a fishbowl

[SadBurl]

Gosh I've just been catching up Its taking a while but has been well worth it and made me think. Everyones honesty and insightfulness has blown me away. It is all very powerful and really makes you look at things from a different direction.

The first thing I want to comment on is forgiveness. I have forgiven H for PA but I haven't forgiven OW. Why? Well I guess the way she treated me. She went out of her way to end my M. I'm not sayimg she was the only factor I realise H and I had issues that we brushed under the carpet but she did a lot of underhanded things and when I asked to talk to her about things she just laughed at me and told me what a terrible wife I was and how she would nake H life so much better (RIGHT) So should I forgive her. Something I really need to think about.

WONDER

Telling someone they have hurt you is necessary boundary setting, but repeatedly throwing your pain in someone's face can be controlling and manipulative and not loving. Not dealing with our hurt causes us to hurt others, plain and simple.

GOsh that really made me sit up and listen. I never really realised this but if the boot was on the other foot. Thank you.

My WAH--who is well described by what's been written here--is now making an unseen-to-date effort to do things we'd agreed to and is repeating the exact behavior patterns of his 4 previous reconnection attempts. Yet is still pursuing divorce and living with OW. What would you all make of this? Closure? Friendship? Reconnection? Just curious what "the other side" thinks.

Are our H related? This is exactly what I'm going through. As H says hes not ready to give me any answers yet. So what do we do. Keep DBing?

BETSY

express themselves calmly and directly--using words that demonstrated caring but showed vulnerability.

Ah Betsy as always words of wisdom. Thanks for making me think as always. I will think about what you said on my thread, start handing problems as I would in business.

Ok I'm off to spend weekend with MIL and SIL and maybe H (if he turns up!!!!!!!) Have a good one and keep up the thought provoking convos.

God bless