And now for something I’ve been saving until tonight:
Quote: Well, Pen. You certainly have done it now! You did to me what I have been (unsuccessfully) doing to others. You made me think. You made me think hard and long. You made me think very uncomfortable thoughts. Thank you. I suppose I could choose to run from it al, but I decided that I really do need to get all of this stuff off of me once and for all.
Pamela,
I just wanted to say I’ve thought about this post all day today and much of yesterday, and it has opened a number of new perspectives for me. So first of all, thank you very much, both for your insights, and your precise analysis.
Quote: First of all, I have made it a point to never say what I would do in a certain situation. I can think all the valiant thoughts I want, but when it comes right down to it, I don’t really know what I will do in a sitch until I am faced with it. I will even go so far to say that it annoys the hell out of me when people try to tell me what they would do if they were me. Face it, no one knows until it happens.
That is something I have learned as well. I’ve done things I thought I would “never” do, and like you have come to realize that one will only truly know one’s choices when one is on the inside of any given situation. Everything else is guesswork and conjecture. I’m a much less judgemental person as a result of this, which I hope is the first step on that long road towards humility.
Quote: So, I totally understand where you are coming from. We are long past the point of right or wrong. I understand your guilt- but really, where is that guilt going to get you? You could end your current relationship based on that guilt, but for what? What purpose would it serve other than to create a lot more hurt? I say this not for your benefit, but really for all of those reading that do not understand any of this.
True again – but I did need to hear it spoken aloud. Thanks again.
Quote: Your H’s first relationship ended because he chose for it to. No one will probably ever truly understand the reasons, maybe not even him. We will also never know if that relationship could have been saved. Since it wasn’t, it is easy to sit and assign blame and say that it could. The issue here is that he felt that it couldn’t. Again, this is not really for your benefit. I think that deep down you know and understand all of this. It is certainly hard to say it though, isn’t it? I mean, it really does feel as though it comes off as self- serving. I know that feeling; I know it quite well.
Outsch – that lays the finger right on the wound – but in a good way. Yes, it is very hard to say, and it does come across as self serving. Which is probably why I keep thinking that it can't be true. *smile*
Quote: Pen, thanks for giving me things to think about. I hate it but love it at the same time. This is the type of stuff I hoped for with the BB. I like the resounding thud of my stomach once again hitting the ground as I realize yet another unsavory truth about myself. Why? It means I’m growing. Oh, I didn’t really intend to do it in front of hundreds of strangers, but, here it is.
I can only second that. All this process of “growing” certainly isn’t comfortable, but then we didn’t expect it to be – or did we? *grin*
Quote: By the way, I saw a few people asking where I was on this and various other threads. Thanks for that. In all honesty, the last big exchange (you all know the one!) took its toll on me. I need to figure out why that is. I know this much about myself: the things I see and hate in others are more often than not the things I hate about myself. This has been a tricky situation. I can’t understand it. Unfortunately, I don’t have the opportunity because it was never really worked out. The whole process made me just plain weary and very hesitant to jump in anywhere. Well, except here. After all, it is my safe place to come. And, visitors know that Betsey is not the only resident!
Pam, I had to comment on this too – because I think you’re just as competent in a conflict or “crisis” (whether on the BB or anywhere) as, for example, Betsey. You’re both born mediators, have great intelligence and maturity, a flexible mind, and a willingness to look at and consider all sides of an issue, combined with a genuine goodwill towards your fellow humans. Just look at how adroitly you handled the last “problematic situation” that came up here. So I’m sure that wherever you do jump in, no matter how “hot” or sensitive the topic, your insights are valued, and wanted.
