Speaking for myself, I wasn’t going to go back to who-did-what-to-whom-first at all – in fact, it is the opposite of what I meant. I was trying to convey the following: two people are in a marriage that isn’t working. Both contribute their own issues. At some point, one or the other loses hope, and becomes a walkaway.
Now, the LBS claims “if only I had known how much xxxx bothered you I would have changed it". With hindsight, it is easy to say, yes of course, they would (and could have). But how do we know? How do we know that the “shock” wasn’t the only thing that would bring about any changes in either of them? We must remember that bad habits are as sticky as burrs, and overcoming them is extremely difficult. Some smokers need a heart attack or a thrombosis to finally admit they have a problem, and kick the habit – and a WA/LBS situation is the equivalent of a marital heart attack.
I’m not saying I’m right, nor that it applies to all (or even most) of the sitches, I’m just offering it as food for thought.
