your post is, as usual, so beautifully written that I'm almost convinced. Almost, but not quite. To me, these two statements contain a contradiction, however small.
Quote: If I had been the WAW, I can promise you that the thing furthest from my mind would have been how Mr. Wonderful felt. I would have to be in INCREDIBLE emotional pain to feel there was no other way. Mr. Wonderful has confirmed that this statement is definitely true. It really is not a rejection of the spouse as much as it is a coping mechanism.
Quote: My only defense is that for the past 5 years, I was damn sick and tired of pretending there was nothing wrong. Of living in an emotionally sterile marriage. Of getting sex without intimacy. Of being told that the problems were in my head and ones I was creating out of boredom.
So yes, the WAW leaves because he or she is in pain, but he (let's use the generic) is also rejecting the spouse on some level. Or let me rephrase this - he is rejecting the marriage as it is at that point, and of course the spouse is a part of that marriage. I think the "it is all about the WAS and their emotional pain" tempting, but probably inaccurate. Each sitch is different, and it some it probably "is" all about the WA - but I'd say in most cases it's a joint effort, and a toss-up who leaves first. You were almost a WA, and now he's a WA. To me this shows you both had issues that needed addressing, and it seems to me you addressed yours with a vengeance - but only after someone broke the deadlock and left. Whether he addressed his will remain to be seen. Had you been the WA, it would still not have been "all about you", but the reasons you've listed above would have remained valid, and part of the decision.
Pen, sometimes insightful, but never comfortable to have around.
