Friends, Squatters and Lurkers--Life in a fishbowl

[Underdog]

Well, well, well. Isn't this interesting stuff today? I guess I'm relieved that there are others in this boat with me?

I can't say I have had any epiphanies since my rant yesterday. I'm still working on it. I managed to pray for myself, Mr. Wonderful and OM as well. I think that's the most anyone can ask of me right now, and it's all I can do anyway.

I ended up taking the girls to IHOP last night, because I didn't want to grill or cook (even though the rain had stopped). While we were out, Mr. Wonderful left a VM. He mainly wanted to talk to D10... who phoned him back when we got home. She asked if I had anything to discuss with him and I said emphatically, "NO". Another surprise? I am also a little angry at him.

Why? Although I have contributed my half to the demise in our R, I didn't bring it down singlehandedly. The reason I found solace in OM was because Mr. Wonderful was not taking care of business at home. I decided that not talking to him at the moment was my best option and I wasn't angry when I asked D10 to relay my message. Just tired and quiet.

I'll get there...

Wonder, I will tell myself those things. The fact is that I learned plenty from my nearly blurry PA but mostly EA. Lots of unpleasant truths were revealed and things that were ultimately fixed because I could finally see them.

I can honestly say the lessons were valuable, although it seems a bit premature to say that they were worth the hefty price.

Kitti, if we're in this boat together, you can count on some help to navigate through those dreams when you're ready. I suspect the reason you brought this up is that you ARE ready. I know the fear is daunting. Getting emotionally messy is frightening, and it's never easy to do.

But you're right: it's the ONLY way you can truly heal. Otherwise, your subconscious is going to torment you in a variety of ways until you DO deal with it.

Did I ever tell you about one of my haunting dreams? The one that scared the living cr@p out of me until 4 years ago began around the time I got married. It consisted of watching Mr. Wonderful get killed in a motorcycle accident, and occurred during times of transition during the course of my M.

It made me leery of watching him climb on his motorcycle, but it didn't take me too long to figure out that it was metaphor for something entirely different.

I stopped having it 4 years ago, after I had a hypnosis session--ironically, one that dealt with my abandonment issues. However, I think it was more foretelling than I ever knew: I really believe it was telling me that an event would occur that would be out of my control, and that there would be no turning back.

IF that is correct, then it is true. Even if it was a warning to change, I didn't take notice and make the adjustments.

Kitti, I don't think I want to become a dream interpreter, but I think you already have the answers in your heart. Be patient with yourself. I know I am giving myself the same latitude--the first step in changing and adjusting is to realize there is something that needs fixing.

Thanks to everyone for their two cents worth here!

Betsey