ok, i must come out of my own "lurkdom" to comment on this thread
first, pen, i have to give you mega kudo's for coming out and sharing with us your story - i can see thru all the subsequent posts that it has been most appreciated - i don't share the exact SAME story as you, but i have been a walkaway (thank god with someone that didn't have a partner) so i can truly understand things you are saying about your partner
pam - like you, i have had to really self examine on so many points recently because of the way things played out and my reactions to said points - it is a never ending learning process that is for sure
triplej - my guy pal - earlier i read in your thread on the whole "don't wanna be a part of the family" thing - and the responses pen made - and guy, i really understand the whole catch 22 thing your in...{{{tj}}}
betsey - i am so impressed with your candidness on the board - it is only by being truly honest with ourselves that we can ever really heal
THAT BEING SAID
people, i may not be on the board much posting anymore, but i have to let you know that i am on here almost daily keeping up because i am still dealing with things on a daily basis. i am still trying to make myself a better person and thru all of your posts i am able to do that
all this "honesty" on the board as of late has really been heavy on my mind, and it has really taken a toll on me and my life
recently i have been recurring "dreams" of a period of time not so long ago when i absolutely KNEW something was going on with my husband and ow but couldn't prove it no matter how much i tried.
over the past few weeks, these dreams have become more and more vivid - and i seriously don't know how to handle them. i know that it's my subconscience telling me to handle certain things, but honestly and frankly i have no idea how. it has affected me in ways that are almost as devestating as "bomb" era - even tho i continue to see mega improvements in my marriage - i have this area of my life hanging over my head
as i sit here and write these things, i am not even sure i am ready to share these things with you. it continues to plague me to this day that this part of my life i had not yet shared with you, almost one year later of joining the board
i share betsey's feeling of SHAME - that is my 'limiting step' as brian tracy so eloquently puts it. the shame of this particular area of my life is so overwhelming that it is causing me sleepless nights and my reluctance in posting about it here
don't get me wrong, i feel 'comfortable' with all of you here, you have been a constant sense of encouragement over the months - it's just that i don't know if i am ready
but i am on my way - just bear with me - another in the long list of things i have to work on in my life
but i had to let each and every one of you know that i appreciate the candor, the honesty, the frankness of your posts, that have enabled me to get even THIS far in my journey
i will be posting again - i promise you, just give me time
