Update: Last night, I went out with my sisters and it really did me a world of good.
I did not tell my H where I was going, only that I would be out of the house for about 3 hours. I know this sounds deceitful or game-playing but I really just didn't want to tell him! I can't explain it properly except to say that my life is an open book. I am here ALL DAY LONG with the kids and there is no chance of there ever being any mystery to me. He has no worries about where I will be, who I will talk to, etc. I think that this reinforces his sense of security as well as his feelings of addressing things when he feels it is "time". Right now, there is no hurry, kwim.
So when he asked where I was going I just blurted out that I would be gone for a while and would be back at nine. I surprised even myself. I am NOT a game player (am pretty direct, in case you haven't noticed lol) so he did not think that I was being manipulative but I know that it was majorly getting his curiosity up. He is not a snooping type or the type to 'demand' where I would be. So he just said, Ok, and left it at that. But I knew the gerbils were spinnin in his head.
So I was dressed to go out in tennis shoes, a tshirt and cutoff shorts (this was a bbq joint we were going to after all) when at the last minute I decided to change clothes and look nice. Now, truth be told, I wanted to look nice because I hadn't seen 2 of my sisters in a while and did not want their latest memory of me to be a preg frump walking thru the door. So I put on a black halter top and shorts. Looked pretty good! When H saw that, those gerbils were working overtime. He even said (in that joking but not really way) "don't talk to any strangers, now". LOL, as if a 29 week pregnant woman is alluring to any man out there!
But it still made me chuckle to myself. I went out and had a good time and enjoyed myself. When I came home, my girls had missed me so bad and wanted me to lay down with them in their bed (which I never do) while they fell asleep. So I did and ended up falling asleep myself. H left me in there until I stumbled to bed at midnight. No sex but I feel a million times better today than I did.
I think I needed some time alone and away from this house, something to refresh mySELF that does not center around whether H will want sex or not. I know I need to do this more often but it is easier said than done at this point in my life.
I do know one thing, though. It was obvious to me that I was suddenly more attractive in H's eyes when I was doing something for myself. This might be a key that I have been overlooking.
I am not giving up on the desire issue. It is simply too important to me. The last couple days have proved that. He can either reach deep inside himself and find a way to express that desire, or he will lose 1. my desire for him; 2. my love for him; and 3. my commitment to this union.
I don't yet know how I am going to implement all this (I can talk til I'm blue in the face with him and he makes temp changes and then goes right back to his previous behavior) but having two bad days and then one really nice night has strengthened me to go for what I want and deserve.
After all, what does it say about how I feel about myself if I routinely settle for less than that? How should I expect him to feel towards me if he sees me treating myself that way and accepting his crap form of desire?
Dave and Tim I know you will smack me for this but don't you think that is a large part of the LD person's lack of desire? If they offer crap desire and we take them up on the offer, they have just lost respect for us.
I want to build up the respect my H has for me again. I know he respects me greatly as a mother and housewife and companion but lover.....? I don't know about that.
Gotta run; everyone have a grand Friday and thanks for reading!
