Well I finally got a life and started posting over here. If poor Superdave wasn't recovering, he'd bust my chops for that lil stunt.
NOP, I got your excellent message. Points well taken. The first one: I do not nag him. About anything, so that is not an issue for us. I am appreciative of what he does and how hard he works for us. I tell him that verbally and I am currently teaching my kids to do the same.
The second one: The schedule. You know, I think to some degree he has already done this, hence the reason we have sex so often when he really has much less desire than what I would have guessed even a couple months ago. (before I stupidly started asking questions!) The problem seems to be partially seasonal, I am guessing. Meaning, it stays out later so I am having a harder time getting kids to bed at eight; it is closer to 9:00. His bedtime is nine and so that leaves NO time for him to think about sex, or entertain it as a possibility. Add in the fact that it is summer and hotter-n-hell and I sometimes want a shower before bed and you are talking about a further delay before I can join him between the sheets. It's almost as if in his mind, having sex at 9:00 is great and he will schedule me in as much as I want. But if the clock says 9:30 he is up in arms about lack of sleep and chronically watching the clock. He can't relax enough at that point to enjoy sex or even want it; he is too concerned with what time it is. I wish I was joking about this but I am not. A half hour difference (at a relatively early hour to boot) makes everything sour for him.
Last night as things were heating up he said to me, Something's gotta GIVE!
And I thought, Yeah like getting up an hour early every morning so you can go to church. He will not give that up and yet he wants me to accept the fact that I am what he gives up instead?
I didn't say anything because that is his choice to make, not mine. If I tell him where to make changes, he will inevitably resent me down the road.
As far as meeting him halfway, no I actually have no problem with that. I am a very flexible person, despite how I might sound on the bb, but I have to admit that I am having a dreadful time seeing the forest for the trees since I am so close to it. That's why I have enlisted your kind help.
Here is an example: Last night he said that he showed me desire because he gave me "two pecks" before we put the kiddos to bed. I pressed and said, Were you feeling horny when you did it because I know you love me...what I am after is a clear sign that you want me. He went off on a tangent about how deeply he loves me, etc, and I had to re-steer him back once again to the topic at hand, or NOT in my hand as the case may be. He finally answered, "I don't know..I guess it was desire. I just know that I wanted to kiss you and show you how much I love you." aaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggggggghhhhhh. Love, schmove! I want some freakin desire!
Seriously where is a halfway point here? When we are doing foreplay and he is not speaking to me, kissing me, etc, but IS stroking me--is that halfway? Or do I insist on some form of further participation on his part and, if so, how much? ANYTHING more than what I just described is "demanding" according to him (told me this last night).
He will not engage in sexual thoughts, words or behavior as long as our kids are awake or around, so how do I work towards a middle ground with that one? I am feeling so hopeless today and you folks know that is not like me!
Plus, NOP, there is the issue of a shy and demure man just not doing it for me. It pits me in an unnatural feeling position of simultaneously not feeling "womanly" and viewing him as less than manly. I know these are stupid and pointless stereotypes and yet we all have them and operate from them.
I am really rambling today and I apologize. I am emotional and not holding on to myself very well at the moment.
Tonight I am going out with my sisters and that will cheer me up.
P.S. SuperDave, can you ever forgive me for the lengthy hijack??
