Tim said (a snippet): ------------------- One thing I've been wishing lately is that you'd post a syNOPsys of your travels these past few months. From what I've seen, you've made a spectacular success. I've been mining some of your earlier posts, and it's amazing how far you and your W have come in a few short months. I think it would be inspirational to a lot of people here to read, in one post, snippets from several of your posts showing the progression from "dead relationship" to "what it is now". -------------------
Journaling is not something I am very good at, but I will give it a shot. Just let me work on a short version in my head for a day or two.
As for a "spectacular success", when speaking of relational success, I don't believe anyone ever really arrives at a finish line, only a place of relative equilibrium. :-) I doubt I have any real insights, only a few battle scars to show off :-)
We are where we are because my wife got into the fracas with me. That is also why I encourage everyone here to make the sex issue an issue for your mate as well.
Sorry ladies for the way this sounds arrogant, but I can get laid whenever I want to WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. I have a lot of experience at being seductive. I am handsome and well built (but my age is beginning to show). Regardless, I couldn't get laid by the woman I really wanted - my wife. I agonized over this for many years. I was VERY angry. My point here is that it is a good thing to make yourself more attractive, both physically and personality wise, but addressing the part of you that has helped your spouse ignore your true needs is the real ticket to change. It may be small or make no sense to you, but for real change, address it you will. It may have absolutely nothing to do with your physique or your suavity or charm, and everything to do with some area of your spouses life that you have ignored.
It wasn't until the following dynamics came into play that any change occured; a) I realized my situation was partly my fault. b) I was ready to give my relationship up in its then current form. c) My spouse decided to address issues (looming as they were).
So, Tim, I don't know what the magic bullet was, other than being willing to do a lot of things that I found uncomfortable, while my wife did a lot of things that she found uncomfortable. The net result is a start at relational equilibrium.
I haven't read PM, but I gather from what I have read here that making changes in yourself is a good place to start with a relationship. All I want to add to that is to find out which changes really matter to your spouse.
My wife and I are actively involved in our relationship. It is not our sole focus, but we are both learning to address issues as they arise rather than just ignoring them and letting them fester. That is just plain old good sense. I just wish I hadn't been so stupid before.
More later, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
