When I do the shaving thing, I use an electric razor. This eliminates the fear of nicks and itchy rash. Since my razor has different settings, I can vary my look.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Tom, don't worry about it :-) If I didn't have a sense of humor there's no way I could get through this whole ordeal in tact :-) And if there's something that works for you I'm always open to ideas...I am always willing to try something different, I feel there's bound to be something that'll strike his fancy that even he doesn't know about :-) Feel free to share.
I have no idea if this applies to you but... you got me to thinking.
For some guys dealing with someone else on an intimate level can be more trouble than it's worth. The W's expectations can be vague or she could be judgemental or demanding. He could be clueless, know that he's clueless and doesn't want to venture into an area where he may be embarassed by what he doesn't know. It's safer not to go there.
Some Ws use sex as a means to control. He may be afraid of losing control and so doesn't want to get used to sex so he won't miss it if she withdraws it.
Or his mind is simply occupied on other things or he may enjoy the simple little pleasure of teasing the W. It can be a good ego kick to be wanted.
There have been many times I'd wished I didn't have a libido just so I could tell my W to pound sand. I became completely addicted to her and her charms. Then the week we were married it dried up and she had the upper hand on everything. My sense of loyalty kept me there long enough, hoping things would improve, until we had kids. Then my loyalty was to the children.
I can see why some men could want to present a seamless front with no ways for the W to "get her claws into me." Stay cool, aloof and *safe*.
These are just possibilities and certainly may not apply to you. Men don't all think alike.
Actually, I think you've hit on something there that my H's therapist seems to have hit on as well...he thinks this is a control issue for my H. It's not that he's trying to control me, but trying to make sure I don't control him (pretty much what you said). Although he admits he doesn't believe I'm that type of a gal...that has been his experience in the past.
He actually really surprised me last night by doing something sooo out of character for him...I was so proud of him, but I didn't make a big deal out of it. My H is the type of a person who seems very self conscious about his body...I almost never see him nude...except when he's getting in/out of the shower, or the few times we've ML. Last night he about bowled me over when he trotted into the kitchen while I was cooking dinner, stark naked, and stood there talking to me. I thought it was great, it's something he's NEVER done...one more step forward in my mind :-)
I am wondering if most of the LD's have body issues. My W is a lot like that even if we are home alone and she bends over she will pull her shirt down as she bends down so that her back doesn't show. And other than sex she doesn't get naked in front of me.
My W seems quite comfortable being naked around me. As I mentioned before, she frequently sleeps nude. It's also fairly common for her to shower in the evening and lay naked on the bed watching TV afterwards. But outside of the privacy of our bedroom she is ultra-conservative.
My W has some body issues. She doesn't seem to mind being naked around me (although she rarely sleeps without a shirt and panties), but she knows that she's gained weight, complains about how she looks in pictures, complains about her clothes not fitting. Yet, she'll still have a dish of ice cream right before bed, or a plate of cheese and crackers an hour after a big dinner. I don't really mind that she's gained weight, but her negativity about her body plus her unwillingness to take responsibility for it bother me.
Hairdog - fat-bottomed girls make the rockin' world go 'round.
Thats because Ice Cream is sooooooooooo good!!!!!!
I have body issues myself, but I don't hide it from H. I think its just like anything else, you have to really be tired of it to do anything about it. I have been taking some belly dancing classes, which btw is a really good workout. Its making me feel better about myself. I have also been doing some exercising at night, and recently looked into the local pool for some swimming couple evenings a week. Now if I can only get the nerve up to find a fat lady's bathing suit and the guts to show myself in public, I should start seeing a few more results in that area.
Annette - who wants to feel sexy again, regardless of what H or anythone else says
Belly dancing would be so cool. I remember the first time I saw my W dance, I was so turned on by her moves! It's been so long since we danced...maybe we need to try that again, although I dance like a wounded duck.
Hairdog - thinking about W doing the dance of the seven veils.
