Nothing to report again but hey when has that ever stopped me.
H, for the third night in a row, put me off with the "Not tonight, dear, tomorrow night" line and for some reason I keep falling for it!
Actually he was....available....to ML to me if I wanted to. I respectfully passed and really had to struggle to HOM, which he noticed and praised me for. (sorry, HD, for ending the sentence in a preposition..it's too frickin early to think of a better way to phrase it) He commended me for my patience with him and that bouyed me a bit.
He was too tired and preoccupied to offer anything more than lukewarm and barely awake strokes. Absolutely no desire being shown, no talking to me, intermittant snores, just in general an attitude of lethargy about the whole thing. I knew that if I were to really get into it, he would snap to attention. But, see, the problem with that is that I am actually FAKING my arousal in order to get him to fully buy into the process. Which I do, from time to time, but not every single time. If I have been patiently waiting, then I do expect (oops, am I not supposed to have one single expectation from my spouse? Well I am a renegade what can I say..) that when it DOES happen that there will be more of a response on his end than total lethargy. I said to him that I deserve better from my lover and that I will not settle for less than what I deserve. He agreed that I deserve better and felt that I was doing the right thing by not accepting his crappy offer, simply because he had promised that it was "the" night.
He did say that when he arrived home he was feeling so upbeat and VERY horny. He told me some thoughts he had (closing our door and getting down to business) and I was very surprised! This is my H who swears that he has less than 1 sexual thought per day. I noticed when he came to sit next to me that he was sitting extremely close and being excessively affectionate--unlike him. So I shoulda known that this was his big show of horniness! I'm telling you, LD people are VERY hard to read cause they keep their true feelings locked away so tightly.
For some odd reason, this made me feel better...to know that at some point in the night he DID desire me, but was now feeling overtaken by tiredness.
The whole conversation was very light and punctuated by lots of laughter, believe it or not. We both did an excellent job of keeping things real but not heavy, if that makes any sense.
I have a feeling that tonight will be the night for him; unfortunately I feel my own desire seriously waning after being put off for 3 nights in a row, with promises of "the next night" being the magical night.
