Yes I do realize, every day, how lucky I am to have an H who loves me so much that he will try to meet my needs, even when he is preoccupied and uninterested for himself. It was just a BIG shock to find out just how often he is uninterested for himself and makes the "do you wanna" offer. I would say this is at least half of the time. I really, really, truly thought that he was on board with it and just wanted to make sure that I was too. To find out that he is offering for my benefit only has been a shock to my ego, as silly as that sounds.
It is just hard for me to continue to be sexually confident (which he likes and wants me to be) when I get only intermittant positive reinforcement. I FEEL sexy and attractive, even in my pg state, and I know that he desires me. I even caught glimpses of his desire yesterday and it was clearly desire and not just affection. Where I have a hard time understanding it is when this obvious desire does not carry over to actual sex.
Also, I am having a hard time with the fact that he does these repeated bizarre behavior without any seeming attempt to get past them. Such as, the "no touchie touchie" on the shaved parts for a good 3 days or more after the fact. He LOVES me shaved so it is not anything like that. He wants me to do it and then when I do, there is no reinforcement there for me at all. This may be a crucible issue one of these days, but not now. Too much other stuff going on.
So today my mission is going to be to continue to hold on to myself and NOT let those resentful thoughts get the best of me.
