H and I have been doing really well lately; we have a LOT of stress in our lives right now but we are handling it like champs. He is still reliant on me, it seems, to keep things sexually on track but I am doing my best to just go with it and not make every damn thing a crucible issue, kwim.

I have been asking him lately to help me shave. I can't see my own parts and need his help. He agreed and I braced myself for another "this is not sexy, why would you think it is?" moment. I didn't know if I could hold on to myself properly at that moment so I decided to just do it myself, by feel. Wellll, it worked okay, I suppose. Lots of razor burn and missed spots but it feels better than it did.

We had had sex Fri nite and Sat morning and I shaved on Sat night. I knew that he would be too worn out to enjoy it on that night, but one can still hope. Nope he was not interested. No biggie.

Fast forward to last night. I really pulled out all the stops, without coming out and stating "I want sex now"...he was folding clothes and I stood naked in front of him and applied oil on my dry skinned body. No reaction. I got in bed and was a little discouraged but still had a firm grip on myself.

He gets in bed and we snuggle and talk about all the stuff we have going on (buying a new vehicle, H has a job interview tomorrow, home remodeling, new baby on way, etc!!).

During this time, he refuses to touch my parts entirely which is not like him. I realized that he was intentionally avoiding it but again held on to myself and tried to recapture the EC, which was fading due to so much "business talk" (job interview, calling on cars, etc).

Then he asks me if I want to ML. I said "You know, I would really prefer it if you would stop asking me every time what my preference is. If you want to ML to me, I would LOVE IT if you would say that. I feel as if you are always feeling me out and then will make your decision based on whatever I say."
He agreed that that was precisely what he was doing. I pressed and said, So you are not horny when you ask me if I want to ML?! (I don't know why, folks, but I always thought that he WAS and was being polite..sounds silly now, even to me)
He said not really but that he could get horny really quickly if I was. I replied that basically he was making an offering to me, out of love, that he would ML to me if I wanted it.
He said, Yes!
I thanked him for that and snuggled up to him and squeezed his hand and said that it was a very nice and generous thing to do.

And it soooooooooooooooo is. I know that you HD men would kill or die for a spouse like that.

It rankled in my mind for about 3 minutes when I finally blurted out (forgetting to run it thru the schnarch a tron), "You know, there are many nights that I don't really want sex but I have to be honest...I never want YOU to feel that way!"
We both laughed a little and dropped it. I also pointed out to him a little later that he always SAYS he wants me to shave and how excited he is going to be (he originally told me to do this because he was going to try Tim's Big Kahana Move of him standing and me kneeling on the bed, with the twist that he was going to kneel on the floor and bury his face in bare skin first).
THEN when the time comes, it is at least 4 days before he will even touch me to check out the shaving job or to fulfill HIS fantasy about it. Bizarre! He said, I have no idea why I do that.
But he still wouldn't touch it.

Now, I know my husband well enough to know that it is because touching leads to arousal leads to sex .

So if you don't want anything to do with sex, then STAY AWAY from the goodies!, is his thinking.

I eventually gathered my wits enough to request ML tonight and he agreed. And then we went to sleep. I have to tell you guys honestly that I think it is bullCHIT that I have to request it, after trying to make myself as appealing as possible...the shaving, the oil, etc, and basically putting myself as far on the line as I can without saying the accompanying words "I want to ML tonight".
But I will really try to ditch this potentially resentful situation and just go with the fact that he is under a lot of stress and despite the fact that I am a source of RELIEF for this stress, he would rather wallow in it and really get the most out of his own adrenaline.



Finally, the title of the post....hatin it when it happens. It refers specifically to the moment when he told me that when he asks if I want to ML, it is because he is offering it in case I might want it. I swear to you good people that I thought he was being polite and that he still wanted it for himself. Now that I know it is mostly mercy sex (although VERY loving and generous mercy sex) I am afraid that I will have a hard time accepting this offer without overanalyzing. Now, you gents will have an impossible time understanding this but I think that the HD wives will understand where I am coming from.

At any rate, I was better off not knowing that his question of whether I wanted to ML was preceding a mercy offering. I need to learn to keep my big mouth SHUT!

Honeypot, who will prolly get sex tonight but is not overly enthused about it right now.