Oh, no I don't feel "attacked" at all, LL. I value your opinions.
I have made several other posts about my opinions on OM's integrity so I'll refer you to my prior posts on that point, rather than re-hash.
It's not that I find the term "open M" offensive... it's just that it sort of invalidates the pain H and I are going through... people in true open M's do not have pain over their situation... they are fine with it. H and I DID consider Open M as a "way out" of this sitch of me being so attached to OM. We desperately considered all sorts of solutions to our problem, such as me being "friends" with OM and so forth. We rejected open M not because we found it offensive, but mostly because we value a simple lifestyle and multiple partners is a complex way to live. H and I are also both kind of "romantic" I guess, in the notion that one person can and should (with some work on the R) IDEALLY be able to fully meet the spouses needs, and we felt like open M would be (for us) "selling out" on that ideal.
And, I guess we will just have agree to disagree on what an "open M" IS! By your definition, almost everyone on this forum would currently be involved in an "open M" just because they do not immediately D when spouse is having an A. I see a huge difference between a couple that's in agreement about extramarital involvements being fine (open M) and a couple where one spouse is "tolerating" another spouses A under distress! I DO see your point that the same behavior may be going on in both situations, but R's are not just about behavior but about attitudes about what is going on, right? I know my H would not like to be thought of as the "same" as a man in an open M who thinks his wife kissing and having feelings for another man is just fine and dandy, and part of his chosen lifestyle.
Yes, I agree that my comments about OM's W are biased, as all comments are. For example SINJIN is often pointing out how my comments about my own H are biased! And I agree, they may be! So of course my comments about OM's W would be also.
QUOTE: "you have no real idea of how she is in the r or who she is as a person."
TRUE...and like I just implied, often people cannot even make this claim about their own spouses!.. that they know who they are as a person... But I can see that at least I do have first hand info about H!... and not about OM's W... so if it makes you feel better, if I make other comment about W (which I doubt I will, as it was the only one I ever made!) I will preface it with "according to OM" or "OM feels" or "I get the impression from OM" ... I just thought most people would assume that I am not chummy with W, and that impressions would come from conversations w/OM.
