Quote: Thanks for the comments, LL... no, OM's W has no idea of the A. does that not tell you anything about his "integrity" at least in regard to relationships? Yes, I am very aware that spouses often give warped views of their mates when talking to the OP. But actually, OM has never said a harsh word about his W to me. The comment I made was an impression I formed on my own, through what HE has told you. from many conversations OM and I have had, both many years ago, and now. I do think I have a right to make a comment on her or anyone... people on the forum make horribly negative and unfair comments about their spouse, or (especially) spouse's OP all the time, and never get scolded... I don't see why I should not feel free to make comment on W in any way I see fit, so long as I do not use profanity or reveal her identity. I do not think she should be "off limits" for comentary just because she is the W. All coments are always biased in some way. My purpose was not to say you can't or shouldn't say whatever you want. I wasn't intending to "scold" you. I was only pointing out to you what you yourself just said "all comments are always biased in some way" do you not realize that your opinion of om's w is biased? sure you have the right to make such statements about her but that doesn't mean you are right or justified in making them as you have no real idea of how she is in the r or who she is as a person. Rest assured, I know for a fact that OM's W has some very fine personal qualities, of course! Most W's do, most people in general do.
As for my M being "an open M" at present, I disagree. An open marriage is a lifestyle choice where both parties agree to and are comfortable with sexual and/or emotional involvements outside the marital twosome. you and your h have accepted this manner (at least on your behalf) for the past year.
I do not pass judgement on people who choose that lifestyle, truly... I only called it "weird" because it would be weird for me and H. My H and I have not chosen to have an open M, nor are we "comfortable" with extramarital involvements, as people in open M's are. Far from. This year has been torture for both of us.
To me, it is not fair to call my M "open" just because we are honest about our infidelities. I realize that most A's happen in secret... but does that mean that lying and sneaking around in order to preserve the illusion of monogamy is somehow not an "open" M, and mine is? it is open because h is aware of your actions and is at least somewhat accepting of it..thus he's accepting an open m at least for you for a certain amount of time. That does not make sense or seem fair. fair? if one spouse is unaware of the others extramarital activities they are unknowingly involved in an open marriage. They may not choose to stay in the r if they knew their spouse were involved with op
I realize my H and I are all screwed up THIS year (going on fourteen months to be exact) but keep in mind we have been married almost 14 years, 13 of which have been totally momogamous. We both feel we are at a crossroads now, and may decide to reconcile or split... but "open M" is is not something we have , or want to have. What we have is an M in a classic infidelity crisis, minus the lies. yes, but through the duration of a "infidelity crisis" if the spouse is willing to hang in there while the other see's someone else or contemplates seeing someone else for the duration that they stay it is technacly an open marraige. even if a m on the brink of d. If a couple tries swinging for a year but then decides to stop were they not swingers during that time?
A.
I get the sense you feel I've meant to attack you with what I've observed. That is not my intention at all and perhaps you should ponder yourself why a view of your current marital situation as an "open marraige" is so offensive to you and what that means.
Your sit has nothing to do with me and I understand that some things are very subjective but this seems pretty objective to me. I'm not throwing my personal values, at you as there's no reason to do so.
