Thanks for the comments, LL... no, OM's W has no idea of the A. Yes, I am very aware that spouses often give warped views of their mates when talking to the OP. But actually, OM has never said a harsh word about his W to me. The comment I made was an impression I formed on my own, from many conversations OM and I have had, both many years ago, and now. I do think I have a right to make a comment on her or anyone... people on the forum make horribly negative and unfair comments about their spouse, or (especially) spouse's OP all the time, and never get scolded... I don't see why I should not feel free to make comment on W in any way I see fit, so long as I do not use profanity or reveal her identity. I do not think she should be "off limits" for comentary just because she is the W. All coments are always biased in some way. Rest assured, I know for a fact that OM's W has some very fine personal qualities, of course! Most W's do, most people in general do.
As for my M being "an open M" at present, I disagree. An open marriage is a lifestyle choice where both parties agree to and are comfortable with sexual and/or emotional involvements outside the marital twosome.
I do not pass judgement on people who choose that lifestyle, truly... I only called it "weird" because it would be weird for me and H. My H and I have not chosen to have an open M, nor are we "comfortable" with extramarital involvements, as people in open M's are. Far from. This year has been torture for both of us.
To me, it is not fair to call my M "open" just because we are honest about our infidelities. I realize that most A's happen in secret... but does that mean that lying and sneaking around in order to preserve the illusion of monogamy is somehow not an "open" M, and mine is? That does not make sense or seem fair.
I realize my H and I are all screwed up THIS year (going on fourteen months to be exact) but keep in mind we have been married almost 14 years, 13 of which have been totally momogamous. We both feel we are at a crossroads now, and may decide to reconcile or split... but "open M" is is not something we have , or want to have. What we have is an M in a classic infidelity crisis, minus the lies.
